First Haircut - First Sucker

It was long overdue but it was so hard to take my baby for his first haircut - hard to say goodbye to all that sweet, soft, fine baby hair.  It always make them look so grown up, so TODDLER like! 

But Greyson was getting such a crazy comb-over look that the appointment had to be made.  Of course, I wondered how he'd like it.  He's in that you're-not-part-of-the-herd, wary-of-strangers stage.  Not sure how he'd like sitting by himself with a stranger coming at him with a pair of scissors.  (Not that Amy is a stranger to our family - she is the SAINT who takes on the task of cutting Braden's hair for us.) 

Let me just say one word here... SUCKER. or another... LOLLIPOP. 

As far as he was concerned we could do anything we wanted as long as he got that sucker.  He had never had anything like that before and, man, did it get the juices running. 

He was in heaven with that thing in his mouth. 

He had a river of drool going that probably left a puddle under the festive fun car he was sitting in.

He had a death grip on it and kept looking at me like "Really?! Your gonna let me have THIS?!"

  So, I'm very happy to report that he is now sporting an appropriate little boy haircut -we've said goodbye to the old man comb-over, and he is now looking like a dapper dan. 

Just don't try and take his sucker away!  Good job Greyson!

He did it!

Anyone that knows Braden knows he has this unnatural "fear" of singing choirs - always has.  He has never made it through watching a choir or band performance without becoming overwhelmed and needing to take a break from the performance out in the hallway.  I think it has to do with the echoing in the auditoriums, the clapping and cheering, starting and stopping of music and he doesn't know what is coming next.  On the other hand he LOVES music- at our house, in the car, on an mp3 player, on his organ - just about anywhere EXCEPT in an auditorium. 

We were quite suprised when his school aide thought he could do the school's Spring Concert.  She said he had been doing all the hand motions for all the songs and did we want to try having him in the Concert?!  I must admit there was a part of me that was so worried he would get up on that stage, look out and see all those people, or see me, hear all the clapping or have that music start up and he would begin to cry.  I did lay awake a couple of nights trying to play the whole thing out in my mind - all the different scenarios.  Usually they ended with me making some mad dash up to the stage to whisk him away from the loud sounds...

My own heart was racing as they drew the curtains to reveal the 2nd grade. 

Braden is front row far right; Grant is 2nd row far left

You can only imagine the absolute pride I experienced as Braden stood up there with his class, on the same stage as his twin Grant, singing and doing every hand motion to every song. 

Braden is front row far right

He stood up there for over a half an hour, in his spot on the stands, and seemed to really enjoy himself!  As the performance went on I felt myself settle in and just revel in the fact that my twins were in their first concert performance TOGETHER.  And it wasn't long til I had tears streaming down my face and as I looked around I realized I wasn't the only one.  Cameron, other parents, teachers and school staff seemed to be as moved as I.  And it ended with a bow done with such flourish that I knew he was indeed proud of himself. 

It was, truly, the performance of a lifetime.

We've had countless people come up to us since the concert and say how they couldn't take their eyes off of him.  How they have more video of him than of their own child. 

It touches my soul...  and makes my heart sing!

Watching and Waiting...

I think

he's looking

for

SPRING!

The first day of spring is one thing,

and the first spring day is another.

The difference between them is sometimes as great as a month.

 ~Henry Van Dyke

Our neighborhood school...

Today was one of those days as a parent of a child with special needs that I did not enjoy.  And it had nothing to do with Braden himself.  In fact, this morning he was full of charm and fun which was exactly what his mama needed as I went off to his school's IEP meeting. 

I don't care who you are - IEP meetings are not fun.  In no way, shape or form.  Focusing for hours on your child's areas of concern and intensely debating placement location is not my idea of an enjoyable morning!  It's all so personal and emotional and draining. But after all is said and done - Braden will be going to his neighborhood school and mainstreamed with his twin in 3rd grade. 

And really all I can do is thank the parents that have gone on ahead of me and paved the way for these opportunities for my little boy.  I thank the parents who refused to institutionalize their babies born with that extra 21st chromosome - who said "NO" when doctors and nurses pressured them to make the "right" decision.  They went against the grain, took their babies home, loved them and truly realized their potential.  I thank the parents who demanded that these children with Down syndrome be given an education. I thank the parents who demanded legislation be enacted to entitle these children to a free and appropriate education in their least restrictive enviroment.  Because of their efforts, their advocacy, their sheer determination - my son has options and choices and opportunities!

When Braden started school, his very first day of Kindergarten,  I wrote something that certainly still rings true today...

School

The first day of Kindergarten. A day that I had often thought of and wondered about. Both of them, together, with their backpacks and new school clothes ready to meet the bus. I know all of us mommies shed a tear as we send our babies off that very first day on the big yellow bus to school. But there was more in that tear for me this year than ever before. One of those little boys had almost not made it to this day.

One of those little boys had at once struggled for every breath, for every beat of his heart. And on those days my only prayer was that he would live. Kindergarten was saved for dreams – not prayers.

My twins, together.  Most parents get to assume their children will go to the same school.  Have the same teachers. Play on the same playground. In our reality, no promises were made. For some still see it as enough that he even gets to go to school. And so, as he climbs those steps up into the bus, he helps forge the way into his neighborhood school, into a regular kindergarten classroom.

On the playground, he is swinging on the very swing his older brother and sister have used.

He has his picture taken in front of the very same school yard sign that is in their scrapbooks.

He has his chair at the same table, in the same class as twenty other children on their first day of school. And this is the way it happens. One chair, one swing, one bus, one community at a time. He belongs!

So as my tears fall on the first morning of Kindergarten, there is much more than sadness over my babies growing up. Most importantly there is an overwhelming sense of pride at this little boy with such a tenacious spirit. Every challenge and every joy has shaped him into the amazing, awe inspiring little fellow that he is. And on this morning, I thank God for not only answering my prayers but for listening to my dreams.

"Undo it, take it back, make every day the previous one until I am returned to the day before the one that made you gone. Or set me on an airplane traveling west, crossing the date line again and again, losing this day, then that, until the day of loss still lies ahead, and you are here instead of sorrow." -Nessa Rapoport

My sweet angel baby...

Has it really been 2 years ago this very day, March 3rd,

since I last lovingly cradled my darling, Scarlett Victoria? 

Many memories from her delivery are so vivid,
so clear in my mind. 

Of all the children, her delivery was the longest and perhaps the most painful - physically and certainly emotionally. 
Even though she was tiny, she was very difficult to deliver. 

It seems somehow fitting that the physical pain matched my heartache. 

But what stands out most in my mind are the hours after delivery that we spent with her.  Holding her.  Loving her.  Trying to etch every aspect of her beauty in my mind - to last me my lifetime.  She was bathed, and dressed. She was weighed and measured and swaddled.  Footprints and photographs were taken.  She was prayed over.  And then we were left alone to welcome our child to our family.  Hours we were given to adore and cherish this tiny babe.  To wonder at her tiny nails.  To imagine what a sundress would have looked like over her delicate shoulder.  Sweet toes that never got to run barefoot through the grass.  So perfectly formed with even a slight smile on her lips.  I am thankful you are mine, baby girl, because each life is indeed a gift - no matter how short, no matter how fragile.  Our little Scarlett Victoria was beautiful, treasured and will forever be remembered and missed by her family.

And so even though my heart hurts every day without you

and even more so on this day -
I refuse to remember you only with sadness or pain. 

I am determined to celebrate your life! 

So Greyson and I are off to buy a cake and maybe even some balloons. 

Throughout my pregnancy you brought us happiness

 and that is what we will be remembering and celebrating

this afternoon on your second blessed angel-versary. 

Because every life, no matter how short, is a gift...