Thursday, January 28, 2010

Breast Cancer - my love/hate relationship

There are many, many things I hate about  breast cancer.  Almost too many to list.  I hate the FEAR the very word envokes.  I hate how it comes into your life and highjacks it demanding countless doctor appointments, scans, tests, surgerys, hospital stays, invasive procedures, medication... I hate how every time I look in the mirror after a shower I'm still caught off guard.  I hate how it has imprinted me physically with everlasting scars.  I hate that I couldn't nurse my sweet babe.  I hate that it is too often my last thought before sleep...

 But to every ying there is a yang.  To every down an up.  To every negative a plus. 

I love how I soak in the sweet smell of my baby's freshly shampooed hair.  I know how lucky I am that it is me who is washing that hair.  I love how that same baby stares into my eyes as I bottle feed him - loving me.  I know how lucky I am that it is me who is feeding him that bottle.  When the dogs are barking, the baby is crying and kiddos are squabbling - this chaos is mine to tame.  I know how lucky I am that it is me who is shushing, comforting and peacemaking.  I love that Breast Cancer has given me the gift of perspective. 

I love how it joins me with other women all across this country that are engaged in their own battle against this beast.  Together we cry.  Together we laugh.  Together we hope. 

I've loved more, played harder, laughed longer and hugged tighter.  I'm here to be the wife to my husband, mother to my children, sister to my brothers, daughter to my mother.  I'm a Breast Cancer Survivor!